Silent dilemma.

The moon mocks me to submission. Everytime I look at the whiteness of the moon and feel the cold, silent, dark night, I feel the depression I whole-heartedly wanted to push away. I knew the mistakes I was taking. I knew the consequences I will harbor. I knew what will happen if I stay this way. If I stay in this conformity. I wanted to slit the throat of my confidence and push everything away - The moments that made me alive, knowing all the while that it was a ship made to sink.

I walked a few paces forward. Towards the memories of the things I wish I would have forgotten by now. The things that was once the source of my whole being. The source of my life. The cup from which I sip the nectar. That sweet memories that I wanted to push away. The wind blew. The cold runs through my spine - then I remembered the pain. The pain that I grabbed. The pain that collided with my frail body, making me spin towards the hardest pavement ever. Everyone was around me. They were screaming. Telling me things that I should have done. The things I could have done. The what if's and the what could have been's. But I push them away. The loneliness, I endured them. Found new sources of smile that would bring back the old me. But my attempt was futile. Futile indeed.

I saw light. Light brighter than the one that was walking with me as I thread this long, dark road. I saw a new source of happiness. No, not a new source, but it could be a new source. If I just grab it. But I am afraid. I am afraid to have a new dark scar. Scar that would remind me of the pain that I once felt. The scar that won't let me forget. The scar that would remind me of how it was like.

I stood at that familliar two-forked road. The road to happiness, and the road to the unknown. The future is unknown. I am not a seer who have power to see the unknown. The future is uncertain to those who wouldn't want to take the risk. The risk of feeling pain once more. The risk of giving his life to someone who will just throw it away after it has been consumed, bottled up to the point of gluttony.

I wouldn't want to feel this way forever. So, I stepped forward and grabbed the chance.

103006cavela

Monday.

I got a little sleet last night. I was having another bad case of diarreah. I was up all night, going up and down the stairs to do my thing in the bathroom. I was swift on my actions when I feel that my "thing" is cliff hanging on my "thing".

So morning came and I still feel a little funny on the stomach. But hey, life goes on and I still have to go to work. I was a little late because of my stomach problems, I was a little out of concentration. I got on the wrong bus and I feel a little light headed because I had little sleep.

Anyways, got to work. Peter sent us that we made the build fail. But it was his codes that was failing that I didn't bother to correct. (because I thought it was working on his machine) Anyways, got to fix this. Sir Regie has failing tests too. But he's better than me and he can fix that in a jiffy.