Life in the perspective of a 20 year old kid.

If i were not as emotionally stable as i am right now, i would have collapsed because of the pains and probably would have given up on life.

Sometimes, life really gives you an immensely huge happiness that will leave you wanting for more. But like every story, happy or otherwise, it will inevitably end. I would say, 2005 has been my happiest year and most probably my saddest year at the same time. 2005 left me with a clear snapshot of what really life is.

Now, i cannot say that i've been through my highest high or my lowest low because i am still young, but i can safely say that i have been through a hell lot this year. I know its just a tidbit of what life has to offer but i know, that's just God's way of showing me that everything isn't that easy.

Ok, school is only a walk in a park for me. I never did get any tension with school, whatsoever. I breezed through the subjects, ok, i flunked some subjects but i know i did good. Sometimes, i am so bored with school that i sometimes don't give a damn about it.

Life, i thought can be so easy if you just go through it with a positive outlook. Now, that's were i made a mistake. Life isn't just a walk in a park. It is an endless freefall in a pit full of blades and spikes. It is never easy. Now, if you think you haven't screwed up enough, you are sorely mistaken. Life, you see, is like one long test, and God is the proctor.

For the first time in my life, i've experienced a major turn around in my life. At first, i was all smiling, i can say this was the happiest time of my life. It lasted for quite some time, but i know i enjoyed every minute of it. Then, life, pulled me to the other side. The lowest of low i can say. I was so sad and depressed, but i didn't pull back. I tried to move on and tried to smile again.

I can't solely blame the situation on the facts that i was sad that's why screwed up. No, i could have breathed in a more positive vibe and did my obligations with no conviction. What i did was getting the facts on my head and make ghosts out of it. I was scarred and i thought about it a lot. Now, that's why i screwed up. I was sad and i really never had an outlet where i can vent it all out. Now, it ate me up and look at the outcome - I screwed up.

If you have read my past posts, you can assume that i was happy but that was just a mask, a mask of what i really feel. I cannot say that i am happy. Not now. I could have burned the bridges behind me but i didn't. I dwelled on the painful fact of losing and it affected my whole life.

Now, i want to get it all back. I am not like this. I am a warrior. I am a machine. Problems come and go. I had some problems in the past and i breezed all through it. Now, although i am carrying this problem and sadness for quite a few months, i know i can surpass it. I know i can, because i did it before.

Being happy is a matter of choice. You will be happy if you choose to be. Then be happy. I was just full of shock. But in time, i can smile again and kick everybody else's ass like i always did.

Life is like that. Life can pull you up and pull you down. But don't fret, you can ricochet back. Life, in summation, can be canned up in three words - it goes on.