From my tabulas blog. May 4th 2006.

Standing on the very same stairs,
the stairs that has been a witness of a friendship.
A friendship that spanned for so long.
So long, that when you think of the circumstance that lays ahead,
it hurts so much.
It hurts so bad that you wanted to change the things
you have said to her that made her cry again.
This time was too much.
You know that.
But you never assessed the situation.
You just bombarder her with accusations.
Accusations that has no basis.
Accusations that's based on mere fiction.
Fiction that's a fruit of your selfishness and jelousy.
You loved her too much.
Way too much that it became putrid.
You knew that your only sin was loving her way too much.
That love clouded your judgement.
Your predesposition.
Your insights.
In the end, you hurt her.
Again.
You have seen her cry.
Maybe once, maybe twice, thrice...
You have no idea.
But when you see her cry,
you know you just surrender.
You never wanted to see her like that.
But why do you do the things she hated the most?
You wanted to say sorry.
You did.
But she didn't accept.
You know you were wrong.
You surrender.
You accept.
You start to cry.
You ponder on the situation with an understanding.
Now you see why you are wrong.
Is that the only way you can understand?
With her crying in front of you?
You wanted to hug and comfort her.
You wanted to say sorry.
Again.
This happened a million times.
You promised you will change.
She refused.
You know you've changed.
Little by little she will see.
But she left.
You're alone.
She's happy.
You're sad.
She's complete.
You're not.
Then you said it's time to break that promise.
The one when you've said to her,
that you will love her always and forever.
She held your hand that time.
Then you knew, she loved you too.
But its too late for apologies.
This is not a matter of pride.
This is not a matter of forgiveness.
This is a matter of accepting.
Acceptance of facts.
Acceptance of figures.
Acceptance of circumstances.
That you will never ever be the same again.
You will never be talking of the same futures.
You will never be planning building the same dreams again.
With her on your chest, looking at the ceiling.
That will only be in your dreams.
Dreams you've once shared with her.
Your teacher, sister, mentor, bestfriend,
companion, your princess, your queen,
your love and your all.
Your everything.
It will never be.
Sad endings.
Sad finishes.
New beginnings.
New life.
Apart.
Forever's dull without her smile.
You did this for her.
You said goodbye because of her.
She will be happy and you know it.
It is time to end selfishness.
It is time to be new.
To be clean.
To be happy.
For it has been too long.
You want to smile again.
Without her.
Without your everything.
At least you've learned.
Those two years has been a long lesson.
That love is not a pretty engagement,
all tied up in a pink bow,
you have to take it as it comes,
and rejoice that you have been given the chance...
Goodbye.
Thank you.
For everything.
I will love you.
Not until forever.
But only for now.