Only you, with time, can define your life. It's yours.

These past few days, I've charted a new way on my way home. Now, I am going all the way back to Makati Ave. and ride a FX there, then the Bus to home. Well, it's a hell lot longer, but at least, I had extended my "exercise". Usually, I walk my way home from RFC, now, I go from Rufino to Makati Ave., which is like a 30 minute walk, then walk my RFC to home route. Now, I have at least 1 hour of walking. I think it would help to burn off some fats. :)
That is my New year's resolution right, to burn off some fats and live healthy. I've also cut my rice servings to half. Lessen drinking softdrinks, and eating late at night. Come December this year, I would have cut off 30 pounds - well, that's according to Sparkpeople.com.


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Treading through Makati at night is quite relaxing. I see the sights I used to see when I was college. Nostalgia sinks in, telling me that it's all different now. I walk the usual roads and see the usual sights. From Rufino, I pass the Makati Stocks Exchange park. I sit there for a while, fiddling with the ipod, listening songs that makes your heart sing.

As I sit there, I take out a new book to devour, I feel the evening breeze. It was just as cold as the ones I used to breathe when I was with my college friends, walking our way to Glorietta late at night. We were the ones who charted and discovered the roads for ourselves. We were the ones who discovered Honya, it is a little Japanese Manga library where we used to read Mangas while waiting for the next period. We usually cut class just to go there and pass the time.


Decided that I can't read the book in the park's dim light, I stash it back to my bag. I just let the memories flood in. I realized how careless I am back in college. Though I was regarded as one of the few "good" boys left by our girl peers, I can safely assume that I was such a lazy student back then. I study only when there's a test about to be given. I listen at the prof only when neccessary. Everyone thought that I was smart. Well, everybody says that. They even thought that I study at home or something. Well, all I did at home was listen to my music and read books. I was your typical boy, never setting his sights to new horizons. I just went with the flow, I let the tide bring me to where I am. As I always believe, I only cross the bridge when I get there.

I smile, I remember that the platform where I decided to sit was the very same one that me and my friends used to sit on. Well, it has even my name written on it, together with the date. I remember the times when we go to Greenbelt. We take a nap in this park. We call this park - park number 2. Because there is another park near the school which we call - park number 1 (obviously). Greenbelt has become our huge CR. CRs on school is always packed and you can't do your thing there. So, we travel to Greenbelt to do our thing there. Then we would return to school, sweaty and tired, but at the same time, relieved.



The night is getting older, the evening breeze is getting colder. I stood up, and continued heading to my destination. As I was going down in the underpass, I saw a batch of kids, going up the escalator. Noisy and obnoxious. I smiled to myself and remembered when I was on there shoes. Endless stories were told. Stories from the serious, to downright stupid. We used to talk about everything there is to talk about - to Sigmund Freud to Wrestling and the Ultimate Warrior. To Survivor, to Takeshi's Castle. It's nice to remenisce about when you were careless and free. I passed Paseo Center, then the Park number 1. I saw some old groupies running around it and saw our young selves from not too long ago, walking around those loops, carrying our notebooks. I saw the benches we used to sit on. I saw the seesaws we were not allowed to use. I saw myself with the first girl I ever felt feelings with. I remember back then, I used to walk next to her, so she could grab my arms when crossing the roads. This park was a witness on a special friendship that was about to bloom.

This is where everything started. This is where I told her that if it was ok for me to bring her home because our last class ends at 9 and it's pretty dangerous going home. This is where I first started calling her "beast friend". This is where I thought of this friendly feelings might go even deeper. I sat there for a while, relieving the memories. The memories from the lovely long ago.


I stood up, I passed the Jollyjeep I used to eat at. I remember them giving me free drinks for I was one of the very first suki to eat there. I smiled at ate and kuya. They told me that I became fat. They told me that they still have their gifts of ketchup to me (They knew I hated ketchup). I remember bringing my sosyal friends here and let them eat here, a accomplishment I am proud of because even their boyfriends can't let them eat here. After hi's and goodbye's were said, I went to the bridge where my friends would smoke (I don't smoke so I just inhale their smokes). I sat there for a while and watched the passing jeeps. This is where I saw my first aircon jeep. Thinking it was the coolest thing since Honya. I crossed the road and saw my former school. The school I hated. I would have graduated earlier if that fat dean didn't messed up with my schedule. (I was late 1 term because of him - tabulas.com/~karuru). I didn't even attended graduation because I found work earlier and I hated the dean's guts. (Well, which now I heartily regret because it is the only time I would graduate in College)


Ah, Mapua. Though I hate you, I still owe you a lot of things. I learned to go a day without sleeping. I learned useless things. I learned to cram. I learned many, many things. I smiled as I saw manong buko, still selling his buko juice. I also saw Manong fishball. They're all still here. I wondered if the canteen and the lounge was still open. Well, at this time, maybe it isn't. I remember their specialties - Chicken Manok, Tinola ngayon adobo bukas and of course, Adobong baboy with ipis legs. Hahaha... I smiled, and decided to go to my ultimate destination which is Makati Ave.


The memories flooded me, I was smiling and sad at the same time. People looked at me with such curiosity if I was going nuts. Well, I could not help but smile. Smile for the reasons I cannot express in words. Smile because of the irony. Smiled because I was walking these roads because I am lonely. Lonely for the love I lost. A love that is slowly fading. Inch by inch. Painfully fading. I remember that this is where she gave her sweet "tayo na nga!". Well, we were fighting back then, then she just told me that. That was March 11, 2005. I saw myself smiling stupidly at the FX on the way to Buendia. I remember myself bringing her home after a fight. Either of us talking to each other. Then the radio radiated a joke. We can't help but smile at each other. We laughed and everything was ok.


Petron Makati Ave, is a little different now. It has new establishments, but for me, it will always be the Petron where we always take the FX home. I am still amazed up to now, how her hands would perfectly fit mine. How can she spot if my eyes were smiling. How she manages to hide her naughtiness when people were around. On how she made this carefree boy fall, when loving is the farthest thing in my mind. I am still amazed on how I became aware of the future. That I should become mature. That I should study better. I remember how I almost became a Scholar because of her. I remember a lot of things. I remember eating 40% of her food because she can't consume it all. I remember her crying because of stupid things I do. I remember how she cried because of the first time I uttered curse words in front of her because of anger. I remember teaching her how to swim. I remember her mischievously pretending to be angry if I can't name her siblings. Though I miss her now more than ever, I know it's a life time of friendship we lost. It's all over now. Though I am sad, I know it is for the better.


All I can say is I am sorry. For everything. Though I can say that I can't forgive her still, I know my forgiveness will come somewhere in time.


We call that our own little adventure back then - charting roads that will lead us to parts of Makati. All of it is an adventure - falling in love, losing love, growing up, shattered friendships. But it's okay. Everything has a reason.

Now I am older, better, stronger. More mature. Time helps you to be better. :)

I arrived home. Smiling. Complete. Though I lost someone, at least, I still have myself.

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Sometimes a struggle builds you somehow
Tears you down, leaves you deadTime will pass, back to life
Hand on shoulders, bigger, better
Sunday night, tempers flairFights erupt and trickle down
Apologies, threats and liesBacking down, compromise
While this city burns
These wounds will heal
Youll find your way
Though lines in sand
Become a proving ground
In time youll find,
Who can top who is their life
Sometimes a struggle leaves you fragile
Shaken up, shotgun shy
With heartache past, and open eyes
Youll come back stronger, bigger, better
Maybe this time, things will change
Brand new day, forgive, forget
Time has past, back to life
Hand on shoulders, bigger, better

Only you with time can define your life.
Its yours.