As The Wings Of Perfect Flame Glow Out Of Passion.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Lagi ka kasing tama.

Morning, you asked me a question. I answered it. Then, yet again, you burst, you burst out your insecurities, your thoughts through piercing words that you know will not ever pierce my armor. Not again.

I told myself that I've had enough of you monologues. Your rants about how life didn't turn out as you wanted it to turn out. Once again, you screamed. Of course, you wouldn't hear my side.

Of course, the facade that you build wasn't even true. Outside, you are proud of me. Outside, you make me look like a hero. But in reality, you are mad. Why? Because I wasn't the son you pictured me to be? Why? It is because of you. You and your facades. You and your ego. You and your mouth.

Of course, you will seek the sympathy of others without telling them what happened. What really happened. Nothing new there, mother. I wished I am independent enough to live on my own. But I am not, so I hold your house as a place where I can sleep and prepare for the next morning. I don't call it my home. It's just a prison where I would inevitably hear your words. If you notice, I never come home with you awake. If you notice, I don't care what you feel. I am numb and for me, you're just a sore.

But I thank you. You have molded me into a person I am now. No lies, no facades, just the truth. A paragon of truth, if you will. I will never be the same as you.

Soon, I'll be leaving. And when I do, you wouldn't even hear me leave. I wouldn't even look back.

You will never ever again hurt me. Ever.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Mha'ri said...

wow. that is a heavy post. i also know someone close to me who feels the same way. only, his agony is about his father. well, i hope you'll cope with this phase soon enough.

8:14 PM

 
Blogger karuru said...

yeah, i know. i've been feeling that way towards my mom since i was a child. it's hard, but you know, that's life.

8:48 AM

 

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