On wasted time and fortune's hand.

Today is Her birthday. The friend who was always there to lend ear to my everyday triumphs, my woes and my chatterings. This friend is always there in times of need, in times to share my accomplishments and in times when I just want to say some thoughts that reside in my heart.

Well, to greet you formally - Happy Birthday, Blog!

It was last year when I started my second Blog*. I realized that it was time to "upgrade" and I switched to Blogger. This domain is entirely anonymous, except from the few people who actually visit this site. Because of that, I was able to express emotions more here.

It was also exactly one year, when I thought everything was going right for me. I thought maybe, say, two or three years, I would be able to support my own. I just started working and I've got everything going right for me - a 19 year old kid, with dreams of a man. I wanted everything set. I wanted everything to fall into place - like a giant jigsaw puzzle that's hard to accomplish, but not impossible to conquer nonetheless.

You see, life is not a highway to your destination. Life has its many detours, side routes, fly overs and other roads to take. And I've learned the hard way - The hardest way one may reckon - I endured it. My life turned 180 degrees in a split second. Joy turned to anguish and hate. Fulfillment turned shy and I became the worst person possible. If you scour over my other posts, you will always find me telling that Time could heal sufferings and heartaches or misfortune. Yes, it will do just that. But when you look at the scar it left, you will feel nothing - just the remembrance of how painful it was, or how was it like. Maybe that scar would tell you that you should hold back - try to internalize first before you act.

You kept asking if lightning could strike the same ground twice. That's why you take caution. You take heed. You care for people more that you do for yourself. You try to live from your mistakes and do the opposite things that brought you your scars in the first place. The scars - the marks of defeat and suffering. One year ago, I was all smiles, abeit a little nervous, but still, I was proud. Proud to be ever so happy. Proud to put that first block of hope in my dreams - in my future, or for once, our future.

Our. That's one preposition I often used. A prepopsition I always enjoyed. The prospect of being with another person who apparently, shares visions with you, shares problems with you, shares dreams of unwavering future together with you. Yes, I was happy - I thought everything was all complete. Now, everything is upside down. Now, I am beginning to start over, to smile without apparent reasons - again. I've learned that not all the time, life is all about a road trip going to your destination - it's about pulling the windows down, and looking outside. The foibles out there, and what makes everything just so special.

I took my usual after lunch rituals and I've noticed how my toothpaste, which I brought from last year
faded to pale red. Wounds are like that, it pales. It deteriorates. Though you feel it every once in a while, you are somewhat thankful, for being hurt like that. Because now, you take heed. You are more cautious. More aware. More aware of the people you might or will hurt.

Fortune's hand really works mysteriously. Now, I feel fear of what happened last year. But it is normal. Whatever fate brings, you must stand tall and take it all. Be strong.

I've learned the hard way that the same fire that melts butter, hardens steel. And oh, life is not about breathing, it's about the moments that takes your breath away.

Oh, about our random vendo, I now know the proper combinations to get the right soda. >:) That is after trying and retying combinations.


*my first blog being - www.tabulas.com/~karuru