Dazed.

Time has flew by pretty past. For the past five months, I've been doing the same routine over and over again. I tried to glimpse back every now and then for the times I had almost a year back and it seems so very far away. Depression is a constant feeling I have and I feel like a trapped animal in a cage fostered in a far away place. Trapped and dazed. Wanting to go back so badly but nature definitely cannot permit it.

My faith has definitely turned into stone. My mind, more often than not, is blank. Blank and emotionless. Waiting for an event to happen. Waiting for my own world to move in its own accord. A year ago, I was living in a dream. School is almost over and I know everything will be alright. I had everything I wanted but I was too reckless to the point I've lost everything I've worked for. I know I've earned it, but it was taken from me so deliberately, so easily.

Now, I don't even mope. I was over that stage of crying over spilt milk. Now, I just sit idly. Waiting for something to happen. I don't even talk to God anymore. I don't thank him every night, like I have always did. My soul is calloused. Numb. I feel nothing. Hollow. I feel that there's no point in going on, when nothing is really going on. Today is just the same as yesterday as tomorrow will be the same the next day.

I try to smile. I try to tell jokes. But deep inside, I know I am not happy. Sometimes, I just stay awake at night, I cannot sleep. Depression is a constant inhabitant to my hollow mind. I try to comprehend what happened and what went wrong.

I wish this would all end.