Sunburns and near death.

I kicked hard, the hardest my weakened legs could allow. I cut the water withmy arms. My shut my eyes so tightly because if I open them and still see the endless depth below, I would panic.
The ground must be on reach now. I kept telling myself the same words. It can't be far now.Weakened my arms and legs must be, I still force them to do what I want. But sooner thatI possibly thought, my arms and legs gave up. Then some unknown thing, like a weight,pulled me down the murky depths below.

Panic.

I kicked and threaded in the water. So my head would not go down. For a few seconds, minutes perhaps, I am still able to breath. I knew how to swim, but because of the panic,I was disoriented. I called for my friends, but they are too faraway to do anything. And they told me afterwards, that they were busy saving another friend who was drowning too.They were also depleted and they can't do anything about it. And they thought I was joking,for I was still above water. But they called the life guards to save me.

Then my arms and legs gave up.

I took a deep breath - the last one I thought I would have if I fail this risk.

The last gasp of breath that I had slowly is depleting. Slowly, painfully depleting. Instinctively, when the lungs is in struggle, it would ask the brain to breathe, though the mind knows that it is impossible to breathe underwater. But still,it would oblige.

Oblige, it did. But instead of air, water flowed in my body. It is not as welcomingas my lungs thought it was. I twitched involuntarily. The most painful thing in thisordeal is my mind is still clear - it is on watch. I know what's happening, I knowwhat's inevitable as I drown:

Death.

I was fighting. With the little of what's left in my body, I kicked up. Twice or thrice,I can't remember, I swallowed salt water. I kept calling for my friends, for someone,but no one came. If this is death, I would rather choose it not to end this way - with pain, with panic, with sadness; but if this death, I'd embrace it.
For a moment, I know I had given up. My body is now not struggling. I was going down.I welcomed death. I have no regrets - I have experienced everything: love, sadness,loss, best of friendships, giving joy to my parents. If I would die, I know someone will mourn, someone will miss me.

I thought of my parents, I never said I love you to them, not even once, not even in sleep.I know they are proud of me. So young, but with so much disposition in life.So young and so careless... So careless, in fact, that I died. They will mourn.

I thought of my friends. They're the best. We laughed together, we had the best of times.A friend's loss will be an example of what it feels like for one to be missing,not to be seen again. I know they'll just laugh when they remember me - the joker,the one who talks a lot, but when serious, will be the one who talks the deepest.

Then I thought of someone... the joy and pain she brought to me. She made me complete, and without her, I would not have experienced the greatest joy of living -giving love and being loved in return. we are not in goodterms and she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. What will she feel if I have actually died, will she be even be slightly sad when she told me how much she hated me? Regret and pain at the thought of her is what I felt. I said my sorries and she didn't accept it. I did my everything. But I guess friendship would not be brought back. Now that I am dying.

The loss of their child, the loss of a friend will be painful, but they would get over it. At least, my memories will make them smile once in a while.

Then like they said, cliched as it may sound, memories flooded in. Not actual views ofwhat happened, but snapshots. Like a thousand pictures of memories flashed autonatically:

When I was a kid, when I was so keen in joining art competitions,I had won a few medals and I was happy. Snapshots at high school. Ms. Cabrera.Tropang Mapangarap. Mapua. College friends. First love. Finishing school. Having to work.

Then I heard a friend say that I should relax.

I got out of my transfixed photogallery and started to work on the situation at hand.

One of the best and worst things about my personality is my being stubborn. And because ofthat same trait, I managed to be still alive.

I relaxed myself, even though I was still swallowing water. My arms and legs can't doanything about my drowning so I just laid my head back and floated on my back. Ispreadeagled and I floated. I know they will notice me and if they get the idea,they will get to me and bring me back. If they thought that I was just floating withno problems at all, then I am in danger. A single wave will disturb the balance and drown me.With the little strenght that I have. I paddled backwards, hoping to get too far thatI can plant my feet on the ground.

After a few minutes or so, an orange life vest was thrown at my direction. I was saved by the life guards and brought me back to shore. They told me that they thought I was only joking when my friends called them because I was threading though I am shouting to themthat I was drowning.

I went to my friends and they told me that they were also helping another drowning friend.The same thing happened to the both of us. When we got to the end of the rope thing thatwe're helding on to, we jumped and tried to swim as far as we can get. When we thoughtthat the ground is in reach, we tried to plant our feet and panicked when we found none.

I was almost too glad that I lived.

Moral: Wag na magswimming sa malayo.