Goodbye.

Well, what do you know, it's thursday - my father is leaving for Dubai. He's leaving at 5pm so there's no way I will be able to watch him leave. What's sad is I was never good at goodbyes. I accompanied him for the last time and we took my mother to her errand today.

We went home and I took a bath. I put clothes and went down and I saw him lying in his usual spot, reading the morning papers. I told him I'm going to the office. He asked me if I will be able to see him off. Of course, I cannot. He told me to take care of things at home and to take care of my mom. I said okay.

He kissed me goodbye and I know he is sad. We had this goodbyes too many times but it is still as sad as the first, the second, the third, the fourth goodbye. He said that this will be the last time he will go away. I cannot say my goodbye for I never did say goodbye ever. I walked away, tears building up. I never want him to see me sad so I walked fast. Away from him.

I cannot find the words. I didn't even say 'take care'. I just walked away, saddened by the fact that I will not be able to see his worry free face for a year or so. Again. I've been in this spot for too many times. I just wish that we could handle the difficulties of life together.

Pucha, super sad. No one to talk to about this. Wala na yung bestfriend ko eh............ iiyak nnman si mama...

The saddest song

Only two more days, until your birthday
Yesterday was mine
You'll be turning five
I know what it's like,
growing up without your father in your life
So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And I hope someday you'll find it in your heart
To understand, Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting
there to find nothing at all

Maybe someday
you'll really get to know me
not just the letters read to you
I pray I get the chance
To make it up to you
We got a lot of catching up to do

So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart
To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all

Forgive me
I'm so sorry
I will make it up to you....

---------------
Wednesday Night:

Had a fight with yet another tricycle driver on the neighborhood. You see, 16 pesos is the actual price for the ride. Then the driver asked for 17. I've been riding tricycles for my whole life and I always make it a point that I say to the face of every drivers not to charge too much! If it really was 17 pesos, he would have argued with me, but he didn't. SO it is clear that he is fooling me. So I told him, sarcastically - "Kung 17 yun talaga, bat di ka nakipagtalo sakin at nung sinabi kong 16 lang talaga dito?" He didn't say anything as I walked out his ride.

Damn, if every one of them would fool every one of the passengers, they would lose our trust. If they can't stop it, how can the f'n Filipinos prosper! Change has to start from the individual. I really want to change the world but my voice is inaudible! If I start within myself, who will notice.

Asar talaga.