6 months.

It has been 6 months. 6 whole months. Half a year. Never thought it will be that fast. I finished school, started my first job and experienced my first greatest fall. They said time would fly by if your having fun - they were wrong, time flies by when you think and suffer too much.

6 months ago, I was sitting at my PLDT desk*, smiling at the prospect of finishing school in a month or less. I was happy and everything seems to be okay. I never thought I would plunge this low now. I have come to realize that moping down, sad and destroyed would do nothing to make you better. But having that in mind, i still moped down, saddened and destroyed by the fact that now, it is very so much different from the time 6 months ago.

Coping up is the hardest thing to do, especially when you are alone. Your only refuge is your writing. At least there, you were god, and your fingers can write your victory. Days passed, calendar months crossed out, your book almost finished - you are nowhere near the happy state. There's still something missing. Smiling seems so hard, an expressionless face is always what you wear. You smile at Mad tv's joke, but after that joke, you're still at your dilemma, then your face contort to that usual expressionless face.

6 months, it has been the first time in a long time that I really poured out my emotions here at my blog. I usually write about nonsense thoughts. But now, I really have the guts to pour what i feel. Life, according to Joy's text message, is like a rock - It's hard.

Life is really hard, like what I said before, Life kicks you in the ass so hard, you'll fly off to the moon. I want to be happy once again, careless and free. Like a Highschool student worrying about the Counterstrike tournament later that afternoon. I want to feel that calm refuge that nothing is wrong and when you greet every passing moment with a smile etched to your face.

I want to be happy. Now give me a green Joke.

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Jampacked nanaman ang sched ko for tests and interviews. Kanina sa Antico dapat ako, kaso naligaw ako at di ako umabot sa time. Kaya di na ko pmunta. Bukas, sa Fujitsu naman, technical interview na. Wish ko lang pumasa ako, kasi okay naman ako sa mga interview pero minsan nagwoworry ako mashado, kaya utal utal ako.

*for more information on my life at PLDT, visit my other blog at www.tabulas.com/~karuru